Ukyo Kuonji was getting somewhat peeved. The weirdness of having a trained panda declare her to be Ranma’s fiancée was odd enough, but it wasn’t half as odd as when Genma Saotome reappeared and said the exact same thing. “I can’t believe you have the gall to try and marry me off to your kid after all you’ve put me through.” Her statement likely would have been more forceful if she wasn’t so confused by the apparent disappearance of the trained panda.
As it turned out, however, there was someone else in the room who was even more confused than she. “But… don’t even make sense,” Ranma protested. “I mean, Pops may be an idiot, but I don’t think even he’s dumb enough ta engage me ta another guy.”
Ukyo’s left eye began twitching erratically. “What did you say?”
Tatewaki Kuno might not have been the most socially capable person in Nerima (though he was certainly a lot more inept than he believed himself to be), but even he knew simply walking up to his sister and asking her to enumerate the qualities she sought in a suitor would, at best, result in extreme suspicion on his sibling’s part, and at worst, an impromptu test of whatever botanical concoction she might have on her person at the moment. No, this investigation required the greatest of subtlety in its execution, else the kendo enthusiast’s plans would be derailed before they even had a chance to come to fruition.
Fortunately for the aforementioned plans, Kuno concluded that he could not risk carrying out the investigation itself—particularly when his family had ninja in their employ. After all, if ever there was a task suited to the skills of ninjitsu practitioners, it was cloak-and-daggery of the type necessary in this case. Even more fortunately, Sasuke had rather quickly stumbled upon a cache that provided ample evidence of Kodachi’s romantic ideals: her shoujo manga collection, the general contents of which the diminutive manservant had summarized for his young master.
“Strange…” Tatewaki said as he pondered this revelation. “I was fairly certain that my sister’s romantic ideals would be a bit more… risque. But if I understand you correctly, she seems hardly any different from most of the fairer sex.”
“Well, if I may be so bold, a desire for a traditional romance does not necessarily translate into a desire for… traditional expressions of intimacy.”
“You make a good point. Still, this does appear to make things a bit easier, especially since you inform me that a good number of these melodramas involve relationships across social classes—that will surely make one such as Ranma all the more appealing to her. Tell me, the male leads in these tales, do they tend to be of good moral standing?”
“Ah, I assume so, sir.” Actually, Sasuke had just noted a few titles and gotten some plot summaries off the internet before making his report—he didn’t really have any interest in cracking them open to have a look for himself.
Luckily, his master chose to take him at his word. “Excellent… Ranma Saotome may be uncouth, but he is no rake. Why, Jane Austen could have hardly written a better scenario for a successful matchmaking! All we need do is set the pair up in conversation—which should not prove difficult when Ranma attends my sister’s next match—and she is as sure to be captivated by his rugged inner nobility as he is by her refined elegance. It’s the first rule of animal magnetism: ‘opposites attract.’ Verily, the gods must be smiling on my endeavors, for what obstacle could possibly obscure the goal from sight?”
“You never had any intention of having Ranma marry me, did you?” the chef accused the portly martial artist. “You just wanted the yatai—and what exactly did you do with it, anyway? Probably sold it for half of what it was worth.”
Actually, Genma had sold it for about one third of its value, though he hadn’t known that at the time. “Look, I don’t see why you have to get all bogged down in technicalities. Ranma doesn’t have to marry any of the Tendos, which leaves him free to marry you, so it all works out and everybody’s happy, right?”
“So, what, I was just a spare tire?” Ukyo asked indignantly.
“No… I mean… look, I said that if Ranma was available to wed, you would be in serious consideration. Your father latched onto that, one thing led to another, and after all was said and done, I had your dowry—which I fully intended to repay once Ranma had actually married one of Soun’s daughters. With interest, even.”
“So, you’re going to be paying us back, then?”
“Of course not! You see, as it turned out, Ranma does not need to marry any of Soun’s daughters, because for some reason (which I’m still trying to get my head around) my best friend decided to become my son-in-law. Thus, that moves you into the top slot, so I don’t have to pay anything back, because you are going to marry him.”
“What?! I’ve spent the last ten years devoting my life to getting revenge on you two! Why do you expect me to change my mind now?”
“Because you promised to marry him, why else?”
Ukyo was now really confused. Somehow, this fat oaf had managed to twist the conversation (which she should have been able to win handily) into an accusation that she was the one going back on the arrangement. This left her quite literally speechless. “What— Why— How did—?” Finally she let out an exasperated groan before turning her attention to home’s owners. “Do you have a phone I could use? I need to talk to my dad.”
Read the comments on this episode
See other episodes by Kwakerjak
(Posted Tue, 03 Jun 2008 04:24)
Questions? Problems? Suggestions?
Send a mail to addventure@bast-enterprises.de
or use the contact form.
らんま1/2 © Rumiko Takahashi
All other series and their characters are © by their respective creators or owners. No claims of ownership of these characters are implied by the authors of this Addventure, or should be inferred.
The Anime Addventure is a non-profit site.