"Could be worse, could be better," said the old man.
Melfina glanced at the bent over old man, then at her Master. "You know each other?"
"You could say that," said the old man with a chuckle.
"I ran into this guy years ago, hiding from my old man," said Ranma. "He had a technique to teach me I wasn't too keen on."
"I should say not," said the old shopkeeper, pulling a bottle of something off a shelf along with three cups. "Despite that you love martial arts as much as I love MY art, there are limits."
"Matathias here been doing this stuff a long time," said Ranma.
"You have no idea," said Matathias, the old alchemist, though he winked at Melfina as he said that.
"Uhm," said Melfina.
"Take a seat," said Ranma. "So, old man, ya know why ninja are after Melfina?"
"They are?" asked Matathias, his bushy eyebrows shooting up. "Interesting. She's attractive enough, but I'm not too sure why the infamous shadow assassins would be after her. You couldn't identify which kind of ninja, could you?"
Ranma rolled his eyes. "Typical ninja night suits. Average height. Average build."
Matathias nodded and took a book off a shelf. "Now if you knew which clan, order, nationality, or such - I might be able to speculate."
"Aren't all ninja Japanese?" asked Melfina, having had no idea that ninja were that widespread.
"They call them different things in different parts of the world," admitted Matathias. "Typically those outsiders will wear similar costumes in this part of the world, partly for the very reason of remaining anonymous. Ah, well."
Melfina took a sip of the vibrant green liquid in her cup after an inquiring glance at her Master was answered with a slight nod. Her eyes widened as the first tentative sip provided a burst of flavor that seemed to combine apples and something tangy.
"What did you mess in lately that would have ninja after you?" pondered Matathias aloud.
"Can't think of nothing," said Ranma. "Not lately at least."
"That leaves one thing left," pointed out the alchemist.
"Pops," realized Ranma, covering his face.
"It's happened before," confided Matathias to Melfina with another wink.
"Not with ninja," said Ranma. "Well, not often. Then there was the crazy gal with the eyepatch."
"Heart-shaped eyepatch?" asked the alchemist, sounding slightly intrigued.
"Uhm, no," said Ranma.
"Pity," said Matathias. "I don't get enough pretty girls coming in here."
"Nah, this gal was tough-looking, scars all over one arm, and a GUN," said Ranma.
"What kind of gun?" asked Matathias. "Wasn't a Caster was it?"
"Nah, THAT I woulda remembered. Some kinda pistol," said Ranma.
"Did it go 'bang bang bang' or 'budda-budda-budda'?" asked Matathias.
"I just had a glimpse of it," said Melfina, frowning at the way this conversation was devolving, "but it looked to me like an H&K USP - probably the USP Expert."
Both Matathias and Ranma blinked at the skimpily-clad slavegirl.
"You're relatively certain?" asked Matathias after considering that. "Did she have a German accent?"
Melfina closed her eyes and went over the brief battle. "Mostly. I'm pretty sure it was a Heckler & Koch USP. She could have been German, but I couldn't place an accent."
Matathias tapped the counter briefly, frowning as he thought about that. "Okay. So someone who served with the Bundeswehr maybe?"
"Bundyswear?" asked Ranma.
"German military," said Matathias absently. "German. Associates with ninjas. One eye."
"She was actually fightin' the ninjas," put in Ranma.
Matathias snapped his fingers. "Maybe - 'Hot Ice' Hilda?"
"Who's Hilda and how can ice be hot?" asked Ranma.
"Ice is another word for diamonds, hot is a term to indicate the goods are stolen," said Matathias. "She's fond of German guns and has trouble with certain groups of rivals, also police, also a few of the rich and powerful, and so on."
"She wanted Melfina here," said Ranma.
"She's a lesbian?" asked Matathias. "That would explain some of the things I've heard about her."
"Why do you know so much about her?" asked Melfina. "Is she famous?"
"No I just read a lot of magazines," said Matathias. "A lot of my alchemical reagents require simmering, slow stirring, and time. So I read 'Professional Janissaries' and 'Alchemist's Quarterly' of course, and 'National Geographic' and even a few of the more exotic ones like 'Outlaw Magazine' - when they actually get an issue out."
"Don't suppose ya got something Melfina can wear?" asked Ranma.
"Yes, well, amusing as watching her trying to cover herself in that outfit is, I think I've got a pair of coveralls or something which can help you disguise her," said Matathias.
"Dirty old man," muttered Ranma.
"And loving every minute of it," said Matathias with a comically exaggerated leer at Melfina that unexpectedly drew a giggle out of her.
"Do I really have to wear a moustache?" complained Melfina.
"Hey now, this is one of the weird things about Matathias' shop," said Ranma, leading the disguised slavegirl. "He's always pulling one of these weird back doors outta nowhere."
"We're in... Cairo?" asked Melfina, staring at a pyramid.
"Guy's related vaguely to someone I used ta know, always getting lost," said Ranma. "Except it's that alchemy shop that gets lost. I know people in weird places, what can I say? And no - that's actually a full scale mockup. It's actually a casino and hotel and convention center kinda thing."
Not letting go of her Master's hand, the thin "guy" with the bristly moustache and baggy clothes lasted almost ten minutes before tripping and losing several elements of her disguise.
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(Posted Sat, 08 Nov 2008 17:24)
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