Hermes was a god from Olympus, and his role was typically as a messenger. It wasn’t the greatest or most important role but still a necessary one and one he enjoyed. As messenger of the gods when one god needed a messenger delivered, to another god or to a mortal, he was the one to deliver it.
He was a little annoyed that Hera’s demand interrupted his viewings of ‘Ranma and the Crazy Life’ (Live on DTV, Deity Television, handling all your viewing needs since 1995 BC), and he might not make it back in time for ‘Love and Warfare’ (Live at the Hinata Inn), but he saw enough to know that he would be a part of the show since one of the messages was to Ranma himself.
Maybe he could get an autograph while he was down there?
But before that he had to visit Themyscira’s champion, Wonder Woman, to deliver the exact same message.
Since joining the Justice League at it’s founding and entering what the Amazons called ‘Man’s World’ Diana, also known as Wonder Woman, had always found something new, for better or worse.
Themyscira didn’t have ice cream and the moment the Flash introduced her to it she felt like she was on cloud nine. Then there was this thing called ‘Television’ which delivered news and stories to you in a manner far greater than any storyteller could manage.
That wasn’t to say it was all good, crime and hate was at much higher levels than at Themyscira (She wondered if Artemis and Mala ever settled their differences, it was a bad break up) and sex was plastered in TV and movies.
And the people tended to be difficult to deal with as well. She had met people kinder and more forgiving than her Amazon sisters, and a hell of a lot more who were greedy, self serving and downright evil.
The one thing she never expected upon entering Man’s World was to desire a relationship with a man. Then she met Batman and later Bruce Wayne, the man under the mask.
It wasn’t instant but as time went on she took more and more notice of him. These days she would openly flirt with him, expressing her interests in him and watching for his response.
The problem wasn’t that he was being such a man about it. She knew men across the world desired her; it wasn’t her ego speaking or vanity but the truth. She was beautiful, famous and popular, and a lot of men would want her warming their bed. Few had the nerve to approach her, and those that did tended to be rather... less than wholesome to say the least.
No, it wasn’t because he was being a man. It was that he was being such a BATman about it. He took the brooding and self-sacrifice that made her took note way too far. He even claimed he kept her at arm’s lenght to protect her from his enemies.
His enemies were dangerous, yes, but did he really think the likes of the Penguin and Two-Face could do much against her? Hell, the only one of his rouges she was really unsure about was the Joker and only because he was nuttier that a peanut factory and twice as cunning. Even someone as carefree as the Flash stepped lighter around him.
Still that didn’t stop her from trying to get him to loosen up, but even a body that was literally sculpted, busty, beautiful and sensual had little lasting effect. Or maybe it did, and he hid it real well.
Either way something had to change.
Something was about to. “Okay, she’s around here somewhere...”
“The...” John Stewart, AKA the Green Lantern, let out as he turned to see some guy in a toga with a winged helm walk into the new Metrotower’s lounge where Wonder Woman was flirting with Batman over a bowl of soup. Aiming his ring at him the former marine quick got to his feet. “Who are you?” He barked out, gaining the attention of everyone in the room before they all looked at the intruder.
“Hey, easy.” The man said, waving his hands, a scroll held in one of them. “I’m just doing my job.”
“And what job is--”
“Hermes!” Diana cried out, standing up only to bow to the messenger god.
Amazons didn’t bow to all gods, only those they respected or answered to. To Ares and Hades they would never bend their knees. Gods like Hermes, Artemis and Athena did have their respect and would be bowed to and if given tasks from any of them an Amazon would do her best to carry it out, although they could refuse if given proper reason.
The only two they answered to was Zeus and Hera. Zeus was the head of the pantheon and was, therefore, answered to. They didn’t particularly like him, but as Zeus hadn’t really bothered them they were willing to live with it.
Hera, on the other hand, was the one they directly answered to and worshiped. An order from Zeus would be followed grudgingly. The same order from Hera would have them on the job in seconds flat, eager to begin.
“Wait, Hermes?” Green Arrow asked as the god walked over to Diana. “As in the Greek Messenger God?”
“One and the same.” Hermes replied as he held up the scroll in his hand. “Hera sent down an order while filling in at Zeus’ office.”
“An order from Hera?” Diana breathed out as she stood, rigid at attention.
“Oh relax. Or maybe not.” Hermes sighed. “This one is like the time she threw a bachelorette party for... never mind, you don’t want to know. It happened while a mortal, one Ranma Saotome, was granted a wish. Gods keep an eye on the kid; it’s like HBO for the gods. Really messed up love life, three fiancées that were all arranged for him, rivals for each, other rivals coming out of the woodwork. Anyways, the wish was that he had one fiancée willing to who was nice, willing to listen and willing to help. And really, considering the girls he got stuck with, I don’t blame him. Zeus wouldn’t touch any of them with a hundred foot pole.”
“Pardon me for asking...” Green Arrow began as all eyes sat fixated on the god and the princess as he spoke. “But what does Olympus’ version of ‘The Young and the Restless’ have to do with Diana?”
“Because granting the wish became Hera’s job, hence the following decree with the weight of Hera, and Zeus by extension.” Hermes began as he unrolled the scroll and began to read. “By order of Hera, Goddess of Women and Marriage it is decreed that one Ranma Saotome of the Saotome School of Anything Goes Martial Arts and Diana, Princess of Themyscira are to, effective immediately, engaged to be wed.”
“WHAT!?” Diana shrieked out, her eyes widening, an action taken by many of her friends in the League.
“Yeah, that was Aphrodite’s reaction.” Hermes said with a shrug. “Hell, that was half the PANTHEON’S reaction. We think Hera was hitting the nectar of the gods a little too much at the time, but you gotta admit that Diana fits the bill.”
“You’re telling me...” Batman began as he finally rose from his seat. “That she’s has to be wed to a man she hasn’t even met yet?”
“Hey, relax.” Hermes replied, waving his hands at the onslaught of a patented Bat-Glare (TM). “I’m just the messenger, it’s Hera’s decree.”
“How would we override the decree?” Batman replied, his eyes narrowing slightly.
“Zeus could, but good luck in getting him to do it. It’s kinda well known that he’s been on the couch for the last two hundred years after fathering another demi-god...”
“Wait, ANOTHER one?” Green Arrow groaned. “You’d think a guy would learn.”
“You would, yeah.” Hermes said with a nod. “Still, even then Zeus had always thought Diana needed a man in her life, so I doubt he’d be willing to override his wife even if he was getting it nightly.”
“Great...” Diana sighed, hanging her head. Why did Hera hate her so? She was chipping away at Batman’s barriers, his reaction to the decree was proof that he cared for her deeply, and all of a sudden her patron goddess told her to throw it all away.
“Don’t look so glum.” Hermes said with a forced smile. “He’s a good guy, little young and a few social problems, but he’s a real catch, a diamond in the rough. Speaking of which, I better go inform the groom!”
“Wait!” Diana called out, hand raised as Hermes was about to go off. “Could you... Could you let my mother know? I mean...”
“Hey, don’t sweat it.” Hermes said with a smile. “You do so much good around here I don’t mind. See ya later!” He said before seemingly vanishing into thin air.
“So...” Stargirl began as Diana began to sit down, her legs wobbling slightly. “Who’s the bridesmaid going to be?” She asked as STRIPE sighed deeply next to her.
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(Posted Thu, 24 Jul 2008 20:10)
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