"Akira Hayabishi Live for GNN, behind me you see the very center of the Anomaly. From one end to the other of this little pond is two hundred feet. The depth of the waters has never actually been measured.
"You can see that even here at noon on a summer day, there is a thin patchy fog drifting up from the surface. The water itself is something dubbed 'LCL' by some scientists and is perfectly safe. Feels slightly oily though... why is everyone... running... oh. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH."
"Idiot," said Cologne, shaking her head.
"Just because it's mostly quiet don't mean it's safe," agreed the General.
"It spat out his microphone," said Cologne.
"Oh that's interesting," said the General after slurping down a set of noodles. "It's picking up the microphone now."
"This is S'kthaa, taking up for the late Akira Hayabishi," said the sort-of squid monster. "Twenty miles across is the misty portal to a dark and nasty realm known as the Netherworld. The outer fringes of which have wimpy little creatures like the Oni and the Kappa and the wahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhgggg!"
"I wonder what pulled him under?" mused the General.
"I think someone decided he was getting too much airtime," said Cologne, frying up another order of noodles.
"Do you have to do that?" asked the General.
"Leave an old woman her pleasures will you?" asked Cologne. "Besides, I've discovered with that boy Ranma around - food hardly ever goes to waste."
"I told him, no matter what the shot looks like DON'T touch the water," said the cameraman, now relocated to a few yards distant from the site. "You can't count on there not being something nasty in there."
"Okay, ahem," said the back-up announcer, looking like a very nervous teenage girl. "We're in the Zone, in a direct line of sight of the Anomaly Lake. Though isn't it more of just a large pond? As you can see there are still tatters of fog, mostly within a few inches of ground level even at this point of the day.
"Today we know that gravity and electromagnetic fields are subject to fluctuation in the vicinity of the Anomaly. We also know, unlike a few years ago, that the Anomaly is the site of a tear in space/time into a very different OTHER space/time. We also know that the Netherworld is composed of several different kingdoms, such as those of the Oni and the Kappa."
"Oni Kingdom not wimps," grumbled a deep echoing voice.
"eeep," said the newscaster as something rose from the 'pond' with water streaming off of it.
The camera panned up to reveal Something. Something Big. Something muscular. Something with thick claws and horns and fangs and clawed hands on outsized gorilla-arms.
"ex-cuse m-me?" said the newscaster, noting she wasn't being eaten and appropriately grateful for that.
"Oni Kingdom not wimps," said the big monster, as if DARING the newscaster to disagree. "You know where is Oni-hime?"
"N-n-no," said the newscaster.
"Mungo go look then," said the big monster as it patted the newscaster on the head briefly then moved past.
"Y-y-you've got a tentacle stuck on your back," pointed out the newscaster girl as apparently she wasn't on the menu.
"Urrrr?" asked the monster, reaching around back and pulling it off. "Mungo thank. Appearance very important."
That he began munching on the tentacle was duly noted by all observers.
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(Posted Fri, 26 Dec 2008 17:30)
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らんま1/2 © Rumiko Takahashi
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