Kakashi read his book, occasionally looking up when he was SURE that Naruto was doing something. Except Naruto was still there walking a large dog, which started dragging him into... a minefield?
"Whoa," said Naruto, stopping himself with a grapnel line to a tree. "Really? An active minefield?"
"Yes," said Kakashi. "It's used for training."
Sasuke turned to his colleague, noted the little sparkly eyed gaze that his fangirls sported from time to time and got this distinct sensation of dread.
"Shadow clone jutsu!" used Naruto, summoning dozens of copies.
"Right!" said the shadow clone horde, saluting.
Naruto began laughing evilly as his horde went to work in the minefield. "Boomies. Lots of boomies. And they're mine, all mine! Bwahahahahahaha!"
"Naruto? What exactly are you doing?" asked Kakashi, experiencing the same sort of dread that Sasuke had already reached.
"Liberating the mines," said Naruto. "There they sit, all alone and waiting to be used. How sad is that? They want to be used and are just lying about discarded. Don't worry babies, I'll rescue you and put you to good use!"
"No," said Kakashi.
"No?" asked Naruto.
"No, you can't go dismantling the mines in order to use them for your own purposes," said Kakashi.
"But I can do it, Kakashi-sensei," insisted Naruto, anchoring himself again as the big dog whose leash he was holding tried to take command of this walk. "See?"
Sure enough, there were dozens of clones exiting the minefield, which now looked as if an invasion of giant gophers had gone to work. There were also dozens of Naruto brandishing the explosive seal boxes that contained those mines.
"Naruto," said Kakashi, shaking his head gently. "No. Subject closed. Drop it."
"Drop it?" asked Naruto.
"Drop it," repeated Kakashi.
Naruto looked to his clones, who looked back. Everyone shrugged. Then they dropped their boxes.
Kakashi blurred as he got out of immediate blast-range. Sasuke was already there.
"How did you know he was going to do that?" asked Kakashi as explosions went off everywhere.
"Naruto was given boring missions," said Sasuke. "I've been expecting this."
"Really?" asked Kakashi as a building exploded.
"Okay," said Sasuke as he tracked the debris. "I didn't expect that supply shed to go off."
"This is going to involve SO much paperwork," sadly commented Kakashi as he noted a white box of some sort heading in the direction of a training ground.
Lee grunted as he hit the ground with enough force that he bounced backwards two additional feet.
"Do you understand yet?" asked Neji. "In this world there are those fated to win, and we call them 'geniuses' and there are those fated to lose. Once a loser, you remain that. These eyes of mine see everything."
Tenten blinked and looked up and to the side. "Did you hear an explosion?"
Neji was on a roll and ignored the silly if more competent than Rock Lee kunoichi. "My all-seeing eyes have shown me the truth. Destiny is set, fixed, immutable. Your capabilities and your limitations set by fate. You cannot hope to change. You cannot avoid or escape fate."
KA-WHAM! SPLOOSH!
"AGH!" said Rock Lee, crabwalking backwards rapidly. "A beehive?!"
"Eep!" said Tenten, performing a quick substitution to get the heck away from the cloud of angry bees.
Neji picked himself up, covered with honey, bits of honeycomb, and splinters of wood. "What?"
Thousands of bees seemed to descend all at once. He started trying to block, slowed by the sticky honey.
Rock Lee stared from a safe distance. "How incredible! Such a training method! It looks somewhat dangerous though. NEJI! I applaud your dedication to bettering yourself!" A bee buzzed at him. "I applaud your dedication from a distance!"
A breeze blew leaves through the clearing, causing some to stick to various surfaces.
"Do you really think he intended this?" asked Tenten of her other companion, because she was also at a properly respectful distance.
"Well, he was just talking about how his eyes were 'all-seeing' so he must have intended this, right?" asked Rock Lee.
"So," said the Hokage. "How did a D-Rank Mission walking dogs end up with massive explosions and a member of Team Guy being repeatedly stung by bees and covered in honey?"
"Naruto got bored," said Kakashi.
The Hokage sighed. Really, that DID explain everything, didn't it?
the next day:
Kakashi Hatake saw where the Hokage was looking, reached up, and removed yet another chicken feather from his hair.
"Fence painting mission... how did this happen?"
"Naruto got bored," explained Kakashi.
"A little more detail," prompted the Hokage.
"He decided to use the paint to try out a new fuuinjutsu array, apparently he decided summoning contracts are a form of fuuinjutsu and was trying to experiment with creating one," said Kakashi.
The Hokage continued to stare at Kakashi.
"And somehow summoned ten thousand kung fu chickens," added Kakashi.
The Hokage continued to stare at Kakashi.
"He was trying for kung PAO chicken," tried Kakashi.
The Hokage let out a deep sigh and considered his paperwork.
"Hokage-sama!" said a chunin as he ran up and then came to an attention pose.
"So the reason we have chickens running around, challenging martial artists to duels, throwing feather-shuriken and explosive egg-bombs is..." The Hokage shook his head.
"Lord Hokage," said the chunin. "The chickens found Team Guy, declared them the obvious martial arts masters of the village, and engaged in a massive assault!"
"BWAK BWAK BAK BAK BAKA!" said the chicken, pointing at his chosen opponent.
Neji twitched several times.
"Ah, Neji, you talk about fate and predestination, but see how you set higher and higher challenges for yourself in order to improve so that you can break the chains of that fate!" Rock Lee nodded, his arms folded in front of him, completely missing the line of chickens doing the same thing standing next to him.
"Tell me that Naruto didn't sign a summoning contract with these chickens," said the Hokage.
"Naruto did not sign the chicken contract," said Kakashi, happy to confirm something positive.
"There's that at least then," said the Hokage.
"Kakashi," said the Hokage, holding up his pipe. "I used to smoke tobacco. Now I'm using an herbal mix that includes a headache easer. Today's mission?"
"Retrieving the cat of the mistress of the Daimyo," said Kakashi. "Yes, a mission that tries the capabilities of many a genin."
The Hokage took a couple of experimental puffs on his pipe. "Don't make me get out the stomach pills."
"Everything was going fine at first," said Kakashi.
The Hokage gave Kakashi a completely flat look.
"Naruto actually captured Tora within two minutes using his stealth jutsu, a net, and sleep-poisoned darts," added Kakashi. "It was really quite simple."
The Hokage's fingers drumrolled against the desk.
"He DID get bored waiting for his team to show up," added Kakashi.
"You were late again?" asked the Hokage.
"Well, at which point he apparently decided that he should mark Tora so that it would be easier to find him in the future," said Kakashi. "Resulting in a hurts-your-eyes neon-pink Tora."
The Hokage took a deep drag of his pipe, making a face at the taste. "Kakashi."
"Yes, Hokage-sama?" asked Kakashi.
"There have been complaints, there have been petitions, there has been paperwork," said the Hokage. "Team 7 is now banned from doing missions in the village. Tomorrow you can start with C-Ranks."
"They're not really ready for those," said Kakashi.
"You're their jonin-sensei. Make them ready," said the Hokage. "Sakura will be released early from the hospital. Hopefully she will be a stabilizing influence on them."
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(Posted Sun, 05 Jun 2011 16:45)
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