"What is THAT?" asked Tsunade as a bottle of some beverage was set upon her desk. That it was glowing gold and sparkling was something concerning to her.
"It's an Unopened Soda, Legendary quality, raised to level 20!" proclaimed Naruto.
"When we found that one Netherworld..." Jiraiya's voice trailed off and he shook his head.
"Be that as it may," said Tsunade, settling back into her chair. "Report now. Jiraiya, you first."
"We had traveled first to Port Anchor and then to Konmei as part of our training journey," said Jiraiya. "My rationale was that anyone tailing us or using a distance-viewing technique would be thrown off by the sheer chaos found in Konmei. It worked rather better than I thought it would."
Tsunade picked up the odd gadget Jiraiya had placed on the table, the same one he'd offered her earlier, and fitted the lens over one eye and then looked at the soda.
[Unopened Soda (L)]
[Rarity:2, Level:20]
[hp:0, Pop:10/10]
[sp:250, Mv:0]
[Atk:100, Def:250]
[Int:0, Res:0]
[Hit:0, Spd:0]
Tsunade removed the lens, looked at it, then placed it aside. "Continue."
"A time/space jutsu used by someone else threw us into another world, probably triggered by Naruto touching something he was warned against," said Jiraiya.
"When are you going to let that go, Pervy-sage?"
Jiraiya shrugged with a smirk on his face, turning serious again a moment later. "We found ourselves at roughly mid-cloud level falling upon an airship we later learned was owned and operated by a little pudge named Pilaf."
"I feel a sneeze coming on," said Pilaf, straightening from where he was putting together his latest war machine.
"Odd, so do I," commented Shu, the little ninja-dog scratching his head with a wrench.
"I hope it's not that monkey boy planning a visit," said Mai.
"It's not likely," said Shu before brightening a little. "Maybe it's Naruto. Remember when he beat us up and then took us out for ramen?"
There was a moment where all three smiled for a moment.
"Weird kid," said Pilaf, shrugging it off.
"Of course, Pilaf-sama," agreed Mai.
"Ah, pork bone ramen," sighed Shu, who then shook it off. "I mean 'Of course, Pilaf-sama.'"
"-which was about when we met the Kamesennin," said Jiraiya. "Like myself, a person who appreciates the female form and was a martial arts master."
"An old pervert, you mean," said Naruto.
"Well, if you want to be crude about it," said Jiraiya. "Like myself he is also a martial arts master, though when we met he was well over three centuries old."
"You're kidding," said Tsunade, as hitting seventy was pretty darn unusual for someone in their profession.
"No," said Jiraiya. "In any case we went up against Pilaf several times in the course of our initial search for the dragonballs."
"'Dragonballs'?" asked Tsunade.
"Seven golden spheres," said Jiraiya, indicating the size of the sphere with his hands. "One-star through the seven-star ball. Once every year, someone who gathers them can summon the Eternal Dragon Shenron. The dragon can grant almost any wish."
"A 'wish'?" asked Shizune.
"Oh yes," said Jiraiya. "If you gathered all seven and summoned the dragon, you could wish to be young and would be restored to the point you were at your strongest."
"King Piccolo did that," interrupted Naruto.
"Or if you wished a drought to be lifted, it would rain," said Jiraiya. "A single event, including bringing the dead back to life - so long as they had died within a year."
"Or lots of people if they all died from the same thing," chimed in Naruto. "That happened during the whole Cell thing."
"Right, or Naruto's wish that several of us had Goku's recovery abilities," said Jiraiya. "Back to events. After we stopped Pilaf's world-conquering wish, we ended up encountering a group called Red Ribbon. Also apparently planning to use a wish to gain world domination."
"They don't learn - those NEVER work," said Naruto, shaking his head.
"Yes, which led to a discussion between myself and Muten Roshi about world-laws versus probabilities, and we did conclude that as soon as someone went from simple planning world domination to actually work towards it - the chance of someone like Goku or Ranma getting involved increased dramatically." Jiraiya shrugged. "Or, in this case at least, Goku AND Ranma got involved. Goku because he was seeking the four-star dragonball while Ranma was involved because of a potential cure for his curse and a legendary martial arts technique."
"'King Of Beasts'," supplied Naruto.
"It was one of the adventures that I got dragged along on," confessed Jiraiya. "Impressed with how strong Goku had gotten, Naruto blurted out his wish that ended up involving that 'zenkai' ability."
"Yeah, but if I hadn't been there earlier to stop it, that Tao guy would'a killed a few more people than he did," boasted Naruto.
"And he left you nearly dead as I recall," said Jiraiya. "Now stop interrupting. I was about to tell her about the cat-hermit and the magic beans."
"You've got to be kidding me," said Tsunade, reaching for a bottle. Then visibly realizing which bottle she'd reached for and switched to a bottle of whiskey from the Land of Iron.
Bora lifted his head at the little breeze. "Hmmm?"
Upa glanced towards his father. "Something wrong?"
"Just something reminded me of that little blond kid with the funny face," said Bora.
"He's a nice enough guy, but I hope he doesn't return," said Upa. "Not only does he eat most of our food, but he always seems to have trouble nipping at his heels."
"True enough," agreed Bora.
"-which ended up with the Red Ribbon Army Base being pretty much blown up," continued Jiraiya. "I followed Tactic 47 while there."
"You mean you stole stuff," said Naruto.
"Uhm," interrupted Shizune. "That is Tactic 47. Scavenge useful equipment and data from enemy bases for turning over to investigative and research teams."
"Right, so I sealed up everything I could in scrolls," said Jiraiya. "Unloaded it all back at Kame House, figured out what was valuable and what needed researched. Paid our food bills for two years from sale of the materials."
"That was a lot of money," admitted Naruto.
"That was a lot of food," responded Jiraiya.
"After that was Tien Shinhan, I think," said Jiraiya, rubbing his chin as he tried to remember. "Or was it the Gambler?"
"No, the Gambling Spirit was later," said Naruto. "Goku met Tien and Chiaotzu first. We didn't meet them until the tournament."
"Oh, right," said Jiraiya. "That was when that girl started hanging around you."
"Hey, you agreed - she got a raw deal in her universe," said Naruto. "I mean, come on, she died fighting the Big Bad and got erased from existence stalling him long enough for the rest of the heroes to get out of the blast."
"'Kara'?" asked Tsunade.
Kara Zor-El paused.
"Honey? Is something wrong?"
"No, nothing," Kara assured her husband, before returning her attention to her daughter. "Now, what have I said about using telescopic vision to check out boys?"
"I still say," said Jiraiya. "If you stop to help out everyone in the afterlife with a sob story, the universe will die of old age before you get halfway done."
"You mentioned before that you died and came back," said Tsunade. "Was that also in your plans?"
"Well, no, it pretty much caught me by surprise the first time," said Jiraiya. "And, quite honestly, it was something we really did try to avoid. Despite the training opportunities in the Netherworlds. Learned a few things."
"Like never let Adell get together with Ranma," confided Naruto.
"Right," admitted Jiraiya. "Not because they didn't get along. Rather because they DID get along and were way too similar in some respects. I think they ended up 'friendly rivals' but they had an unfortunate effect on the landscape around them."
Hinata entered at this point with a Naruto Special ramen from Ichiraku's, causing Naruto to lose track entirely of what he'd been talking about.
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(Posted Sat, 05 May 2012 15:57)
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