Tsunade interrupted, making sure Naruto was paying attention to her. "ANY jutsu you have that blows up planets is now considered an S-Rank technique and SEALED unless directly ordered by the Hokage."
"Uhm, well, that's just it. Most of the techniques don't normally blow up planets, it's just that we can overpower 'em a bit," hedged Naruto.
"Do you have any new techniques which do NOT cause massive explosions?" asked Tsunade, before taking a swig of Jack Of Grass - a fairly potent alcohol.
"Yeah!" said Naruto. "And Pervy-sage came up with one that just makes girls fall asleep."
"What?" asked Tsunade.
"I'll get you for this, gaki," muttered Jiraiya.
"What kind of jutsu is he talking about?" asked Tsunade.
"It was something Ranma came up with at one point," said Jiraiya with a shrug. "What he suggested was coming up with special jutsu that were strictly for noncombat use. Things to make everyday life a bit more interesting."
"Yeah, he did say that 'anything can be martial arts' once or twice," agreed Naruto.
"So... I created a ninjutsu technique," admitted Jiraiya, glancing at the exit. "The 'Touch Of The Seven Heavens' technique."
"S-Rank! Sealed!" said Tsunade.
"You haven't even heard what it does!" protested Jiraiya.
"With a name like that?" asked Sakura from the corner she'd been silently watching from.
"It doesn't hurt anyone," protested Jiraiya. "Admittedly, it's not perfect - and there are side-effects."
"Don't need to hear one word more, sealed and banned technique," said Tsunade.
"What does it do?" asked Shizune.
"It incapacitates a kunoichi with waves of pleasure that keep her unconscious for hours and recovering for days," said Jiraiya, rubbing the back of his head. "It was only supposed to be for an hour or two but..."
"Banned. Sealed. Buried," stated Tsunade.
"But if you do that, I can't fix it," said Jiraiya.
"And your point is?" asked Tsunade.
"Well, what about my other jutsu?" asked Jiraiya. "I worked hard on them you know."
Tsunade looked very skeptical. "How perverted are these?"
"Well, what about my Erase Jutsu?" asked Jiraiya. "You can reuse the same piece of paper several times because you can cause the ink to debond from the paper!"
Tsunade considered that briefly. "That doesn't sound so bad."
Jiraiya nodded, folding his arms in front of him. "I created another that allows for the copying of text and pictures!"
"He used that one to make copies of some of Pervy Turtle Sage's books," said Naruto.
"Banned!"
Jiraiya glared at Naruto.
"Back to the report. So what happened next?" asked Tsunade.
"Let's see," said Jiraiya, considering. "After Namek blew up, wasn't that when Trunks showed up from the future? Androids Sixteen, Seventeen, and Eighteen?"
"Yeah, man. That Seventeen was such a pain," said Naruto.
"Time travel now?" asked Shizune.
"Yeah, which is apparently tricky because Trunks came from one future and ended up in our past," said Jiraiya, still trying to recall details. "So he went back and a little sideways in time. I think that stuff went off about the time I was mainly occupied with trying to figure out how to duplicate hoi-hoi capsules with fuuinjutsu techniques."
"Nah," said Naruto. "That was when you was experimenting with the Hyper Cutter technique."
"No, that was earlier," argued Jiraiya. "I was still tweaking it, but I had the technique down."
"What does that one blow up?" asked Tsunade.
"Nah, that's a technique he came up with to cut things with," said Naruto.
"Well, I got the idea from Krillin's technique, which can cut through a number of objects but has terrible aim," admitted Jiraiya. "My technique merely forms it as a blade. Krillin then adapted my adaptation, forming claws. Not quite as powerful as my sword."
"And 'Invisible Air' was a terrible name," said Naruto.
"Hmph," hmphed Jiraiya.
"So a time-traveller showed up, followed by three numbers?" asked Tsunade.
"Right," said Jiraiya. "We didn't expect Krillin to get a girlfriend out of the deal. I'd dismissed him as being the comic relief on more than one occasion. "
"If anyone ever needed to learn Kage Bunshin - that would be him," said Naruto.
"Krillin?" asked Eighteen. "Can you slice this?"
"Eh?" asked Krillin.
"The unsliced bread was cheaper," explained Eighteen.
"Oh," said Krillin, forming chakra claws. "No problem."
"So - no time travel jutsu?" asked Tsunade.
"No, things get confusing enough without throwing that in," said Jiraiya.
"I see," said Tsunade. "Well, it's getting late and we can resume this tomorrow."
"Oh good, I want to catch up on everyone," said Naruto.
"How are our relations with Sand?" asked Jiraiya.
"Never better, why?" responded Tsunade.
"Might be able to use a chunk of the Land Of Wind to make the moon," said Jiraiya. "I was wondering how they'd feel about having a waterway."
"You'd have to ask them about that, and you'd best wait for tomorrow," said Tsunade.
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(Posted Sat, 12 May 2012 18:13)
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