“Okay, Ms. Tendo,” Gina started, trying to be formal about this—the check had cleared after all, and no need to explain that she could probably whip up some replacements … or were those the replacements from the Cyber-Sugar-Peebo incident…
Shaking her head, she continued, “any idea of what requirements you are looking in a new place?”
Nodding, Nabiki reached into one of her pockets, pulling out a small notebook. “I believe I will be firm on pages 1-27, after that, it is only optional, depending on local zoning laws and available utilities.”
Taking the packet from Nabiki, the woman nicknamed the ‘sensual genius’ started to flip through page after page, eyes quickly scanning for key words. Gina had to admit … there were some genuine concerns here. “You want a plot of land that’s ten acres?”
“A girl needs her privacy,” Nabiki replied. Left unsaid was the further away from other people they were, the less likely Mihoshi would’ve been to cost her money.
Getting to page five, the blonde woman raised an eyebrow. “Two and a half acres extra allotment … for a pool?”
“A girl needs to relax and unwind,” the Tendo woman replied in all seriousness. “I can afford it,” she smirked. “After all … how many patents do I hold?”
“Eighty-seven,” Gina was quick to reply, showing that she had been doing her ‘homework’ for this meeting.
Nabiki smirked. “Eighty-eight. I just passed the rubber-composite concrete last Friday. Something I came up with after Mihoshi fell down and took an elderly woman with her, breaking the old biddy’s hip.”
Nodding her head, Mihoshi smiled at the memory. “The stuff is bouncy! I no longer chip my teeth when I dive head-first on it!”
Gina stared at the female werecheetah, before slowly returning to the booklet. Some things, men were not meant to know.
Mihoshi was one of those things for women. “How much electricity?” Gina asked, spotting one entry.
“One-point-twenty-two gigawatts,” Nabiki replied. “But if I can tap into an underground water source, I can always just create my own fusion plant; sell the excess to the city for a profit.”
Gina just blinked, before doing the ‘D’oh!’ maneuver. With what she knew about Beta-Tech, she could be supplying the whole East Coast … and never be penniless again!
“Also started that,” Nabiki said with a smirk. “Wanna buy into my energy firm? So legit, Enron execs are burned being in our presence!”
“… Really?” Gina asked curiously, considering that for a moment. It would be nice to have a cash flow besides what she managed to make off of expeditions now and then. “I’m surprised you didn’t offer to do this back in Japan.”
Nabiki’s eyebrows furrowed angrily. “I did,” she stated firmly. “Then Rivalsan Inc. pre-emptively sued me for what they saw as me creating an energy monopoly. I had to pull out to get them to drop the suite.”
That made the Head of the Explorers’ Society blink her eyes. “Why? It was legitimate business. And there are already a number of power companies in Japan.”
“Yeah. NUCLEAR power. And when something comes along more efficient and clean, they piss their pants and were willing to call on every favor owed them to block me at every turn they could,” the brunette leaned back in the chair. “Just wasn’t worth the hassle.”
Besides, she could always wait until the Green groups caused a ruckus, swing in with her proposals, and double her profit.
Kami bless the money hippies will send your way, especially 21st Century hippies, who knew some tech was good!
Gina nodded, making a quick note on her own stationary to look into such. “High fences with the ability to add First Strike security features?”
Snorting, Nabiki popped open her coat, showing Gina her attire. “And if my clothing style wasn’t enough, I do have a certain … paramour who refuses to take ‘fuck off and die’ as an answer.”
Gina arched an eyebrow, before looking at Ranma … as he was staring at her fish tank. Shaking her head, she turned back to her rival. “Spill, who’s the wannabe Romeo?”
Closing her lab coat, Nabiki sighed, making a show of exasperation, when in truth, she was dredging through her own secondary set of memories for that answer. “A little shit named ‘Erwin Talon’. He’s had a similar life to mine and he seems me as his…” she shuddered, “role-model. Him being in the States and me in Japan, I’ve only had to deal with the occasional unnerving … ‘gifts’ … he’d mail.”
Although she had to admit, that Gorilla DNA did prove useful for keeping Akane alive for more than a few days after the accident; some of the other stuff he sent were things even SHE found creepy.
Gina just stared across her desk at the Asian brunette. “And you realize with you not only coming to America, not only the same state, but the same TOWN as him…”
“Right. First strike is now a must.”
“Agreed,” Gina nodded, now realizing that some of the things that followed on the list would supplement the defenses against the minions she knew Pee-Wee to have. Although with the nerd’s obsession with all things werecheetah, and now Nabiki, she didn’t know whether to enjoy that she might get some peace, or Nabiki might be bringing a Fatal Attraction to whatever neighborhood she moved to.
Gina then immediately discounted several places near her. It may be fun to watch, but she didn’t want to be called as a witness … or asked about as a possible accessory.
Criminal records sucked, but it got her out of jury duty.
It really was about the only good thing her time in prison had been good for.
Well, that and the fact that she could now appreciate Nabiki’s outfit better than before her stay. Not that she had ever had someone taken advantage of her in the joint, but Gina proved she herself was a “Top Dog” and had been running that joint for the two weeks she’d been stuck there.
Where did THOSE thoughts come from? Gina mentally asked herself before shaking her head. She covered up her own embarrassment by turning her attention back to the paperwork. “… A kennel?”
“Well, sometimes I have to go out and I can’t bring my Chia Minions with me; so I have to leave them with someone who will be responsible.”
The Caucasian woman gave the brunette an expressionless stare before asking bluntly, “A kennel?”
Shrugging her shoulders, Nabiki replied, “Good cheap help is hard to find.”
Opening and closing her mouth several times, it took Gina a moment to find her voice. “They are sentient beings.”
“Have you met Mihoshi?”
“… Ranma is a sentient being.”
“Meh,” Nabiki waved off. “He doesn’t mind … except the bathes, but I enjoy that he always comes back with a clean coat, no fleas, and usually too out of it to mind the cat-carrier I have him put in for trips.” She made a mental note to make sure his birth control shots were up-to-date; no need to have someone try and claim his non-existent paycheck for child support.
Gina just stared in horror at Nabiki; realizing perhaps the nickname ‘Dr. Gedo’ had some merit to it.
Nabiki offered her a smirk. “If I changed my ways now, I would stop people from ogling my chia cheetahs.” And the more attention paid to them, the less paid to her.
“Hey, speaking of which,” Ranma spoke up as he turned away from the now empty fish-tank. “Why do you keep calling us ‘chia’? So what if I’m home-grown! I am my own person! I have my own thoughts and feelings.”
Nabiki glared. Damn it! She did not raise him to have that sort of confidence or sense of independence! “That’s it; no tuna for you!”
“… I’ll be good,” Ranma whimpered, before blinking. “Wait; why I am backing down!?”
“… Can you afford your own tuna?” Nabiki asked.
“… I get paid?” Ranma asked.
“No!”
“… I demand a paycheck!”
Nabiki sighed. Looks like she’d have to set up the Re-Education Chamber first at their new place.
Although knowing she was overstepping her bounds, Gina spoke up with, “I’ll give you a paycheck!”
The Middle Tendo daughter turned to Gina, glaring DAGGERS! And she could toss some real ones too! She was just … too embarrassed to pull them from where she hid them.
Wincing at the onslaught of pure killing intent, the glasses-wearing blonde continued, “Dao recently resigned his position as my lab assistant to help Madrid, so there’s an opening.”
The brunette’s expression turned from rage to pure bafflement. “… You’d trust Ranma with experiments?”
“Not like I’m asking for Mihoshi to help.”
“But aren’t there rules about poaching someone else’s minions?” Nabiki asked.
“I said, ‘assistant’,” Gina stated.
“Assistant, minion, same difference,” Nabiki waved off, though privately wondering how much of Saotome’s paycheck she could grab for herself.
“No, there’s not,” Gina replied. “The Minions unionized in the United States. If Ranma isn’t unionized then he can moonlight as an assistant. And believe me, there’s much he could do around the house that needs to be done.”
Nabiki considered that for a moment, before nodding her head every-so-slowly. “Well, tell you what. Help me find a place and I might keep that idea open for consideration.”
“Very well,” Gina replied. Oh, ye~es; much for him to do…
Tee-hee!
“What vehicle are we taking?” Nabiki asked.
Gina shrugged. “The Ginamobile is still getting repaired from my last dig.” She still wondered how that primitive tribe was outfitted with more weaponry than most street gangs. “But I have my Solar Hummer.”
Now it was Nabiki’s turn to blink. “That had better not be a come-on.”
If the series was still being produced, it might classify as the H7. It looked black due to the solar panels covering all of it, giving it more juice per cell than anything on the market … for probably the next half-century. It was a patent she was going to make public when it looked like she might need to retire and needed a fund that Brit couldn’t get into.
“Ooooh … shiny!” Mihoshi purred as she took a step up to said tricked-out Hummer, looking it over. “I can see myself in the surface!” She smiled and waved at the Hummer. “Hello me! How’re you doing? I’m fine, Mihoshi! How are you?”
Gina blinked her eyes once, twice. She then turned to look over to her fellow scientist.
Shrugging her shoulders, the Tendo woman could only offer, “I’m the registered genius. Not her.”
Gina just shook her head—no way would she admit Brit pretty much did the same thing … except with more posing and ego-puffing.
“I do have to ask why you have a potato gun on the top, attached to a robotic control system,” Nabiki offered.
Gina gave an evil smirk—considering Nabiki felt it was evil, which was saying something. “Well, this thing is so carbon-neutral, I’m actually doing more for the environment than most fanatical environmentalists. So … when a nutjob concerned citizen pulls up near me and bitches and moans about my ‘gas guzzler’, I use that to dispense some road justice help explain my true position in a calm and rational way.”
“What does this button do?” Mihoshi asked … from the inside—and considering it was still locked, that was saying something.
*POOF!*
“AAAAAAAH!” cried Ranma, struck by a potato going faster than most werecats, and being launched across the parking lot.
As the car alarms from the impacted vehicles started going off, Gina paled. “We should go now.”
“Get over here or you’re on your own, Ranma!” Nabiki called out as Gina took out her keys and little car remote to unlock said doors; Nabiki fully punting Mihoshi into the back-seat before having to climb up into the front passenger’s seat.
As Gina climbed up into the driver’s seat, she was already telling everyone, “Remember to buckle up. Insurance premiums are a bitch in Atlanta.”
Ranma quickly jumped in, munching on the raw potato—freshly skinned by his new claws. “Got me a Mercedes emblem!” he chirped happily, holding the item in his free hand.
Knowing whose car that was from, Gina slammed on the accelerator, and despite it being a purely electrical car, the H7 took off, leaving rubber in its wake.
House #1:
“Ranma...” Nabiki said slowly as the vehicle came to a stop. “Would you PLEASE not wear that?”
That pigtailed werecheetah blinked his eyes once, twice. “Why not? It’s the symbol of peace and love! It’ll show first thing that I’m not out to fight anyone here!” Especially since he wanted to acclimate himself to this world first before he tried to fight anyone. Better to have what he needed than be out-classed in his first fight.
Gina sighed. “No, Ranma. That’s not the symbol of peace. That’s the symbol of an expensive German motors company on the decline.”
Sighing, he pulled it up and put it in his shirt—ignoring Nabiki’s outstretched hand. If she wanted it, then he wanted to keep it.
Shrugging her shoulders—not like she didn’t know where he slept—they exited the car. “So, what’s this one?”
“Smallest mansion on the market without having a ‘Mc’ in its design title,” Gina offered, as she knocked on the door to see if anyone was home.
The door fell in.
Nabiki looked around. “I see it comes with copper pipes and wiring sold separately,” she muttered, looking at the gutted house.
Blinking, Gina looked at the list for the current owner, and snorted. Apparently, Mr. NFL Quarterback was not getting the money he needed to support his lifestyle. “Moving on.”
“Wait…” Mihoshi piped up. As everyone turned to her, the werecheetah that gave all blondes a bad name suggested, “You know… if you’re both geniuses and whatnot, can’t you use your computers to do a cross-reference search for what you need along with everything on the open market?”
She blinked her eyes as everyone just kept staring at her. “… What?”
“Just … let’s just go,” Nabiki said, rubbing her forehead. Oh, now the girl can form coherent thought!
House #2:
“I think I will decline,” Nabiki groused, as the house in question was on fire, with teenage girls engaged in a battle of life and death … over Team Jacob and Team Edward, over the entire property.
Gina nodded. “Actually, I don’t know if they’re just rich brats, or out of their minds on prescription drugs from their parents’ cabinets.
*WHAP!*
“… Please tell me these came from a natural girl, and not that effeminate man?” Ranma begged, pointing to a large pair of panties that were draped on his face.
Nabiki looked at them and frowned. “The natural girl. Men don’t make those kinds of stains.”
O”h thank the kami for small favors,” Ranma let out a sigh of relief, pulling them delicately off his face.
*WHAP*!
Looking up at the blue speedo on his face, the Middle Tendo replied, “THOSE, on the other hand, are from the effeminate man.” There could be no doubt said man was effiniate, in this crowd.
“AAAAUUUUUGHH!!”
House #14:
“Okay, I give up,” Nabiki spoke, looking around. “No fires, no neighbors still in the Civil War, no roving bandits/teenagers, and so on…
“In fact, it looks almost fine,” she continued, looking around. “So … what? Haunted? Indian Burial Ground? Former church?”
Gina looked a little perturbed. “You want to know what’s wrong?”
“Please, do tell Dr. Diggers,” Nabiki asked, wanting to know what the fuss was.
Turning to look down the street, Gina pointed to the large mansion not too far from this one. “You see that lovely place down there?”
Nodding her head slowly, the middle Tendo daughter answered, “Yes, I do. What about it, Dr. Diggers?”
The blonde chuckled. “Well, Professor Tendo... that’s mine.”
“Uh-huh,” Nabiki mused. “So, if I was to—just a hypothetical—send Mihoshi over there to destroy any sensors or telescopes pointed at this place, just to protect my patents and what-not…”
“… Moving on?”
“Moving on,” Nabiki replied.
“Hey!” yelled Mihoshi from the back yard. “Someone set up a giant tuna hatchery here!”
Gina just lowered her head. That explained why she was missing some equipment and construction bots.
“MINE!” cried both werecheetah, as they tore through Britanny’s secret stash.
Smirking, Nabiki turned to look at Dr. Diggers. “Well, since it’s built on this property … and if I purchase it... that makes it a house-warming present, right?” And if it fed her Chia-Minions cheaper than she could who was she to complain? Hell, if they didn’t eat because they didn’t maintain it, all their fault.
A small trickle of sweat trailing down the side of her head, Gina chuckled a little darkly. “Sure. Why not? Although I think this might mean that Britanny will be coming over more often for a ‘swim’,” or possibly to declare all out war on the group.
Oh well! It was Britanny’s own fault anyway, building said hatchery on a plot of land none of them owned.
Hearing a loud crash—and Mihoshi’s cry of, “I can fix that!”—Nabiki shook her head. “Nah; never gonna get any work done if they just want to play in the yard all day.
“Besides, someone is going to have to pay for the power and water bill to support all those things, and it won’t be me if it might be the new tenant.”
Gina nodded, before making a note to ensure it wasn’t any of their names on the place.
“So, Professor Tendo,” the blonde genius spoke to her brunette compatriot, “shall we continue looking elsewhere then?”
Nabiki considered that for a long moment, as her first set of memories began to war with the second and third set. She’d read numerous pieces of Fred Perry’s work … and it seemed to be if you weren’t a major component in the Digger’s life, bad stuff could happen to you off screen; VERY bad. And that’s IF you made it past your first couple of appearances! Like what happened with the Montara Twins and the Beta Phantoms, or Miki and Mini in Dreadwing’s Lair … and how often was Spellvis’s shit getting wrecked since he did have presence, but not much of one? And shoot, even Penny and Ace had crap fall on them if they spent more than a year doing their own thing rather than hanging out with the Diggers.
Not that the Diggers themselves were immune. When Gina and Brianna went off to Jade to do exploring, all that shit with Gothwrain and the Lich King came down and nearly destroyed their family!
No … NO! If she wanted to survive, she had to cozy up to Gina.
“Actually, this suits my needs JUST fine!” the brunette chimed in with as much false cheer as she could. “Absolutely perfect even!”
That made Gina blink her eyes once, twice. “Are you sure?”
“Positive!” She laughed a rather fake laugh.
*CRASH!*
“Um … I might be able to fix that too!” cried Mihoshi from outside.
Sighing, Nabiki palmed her face. At least it had a huge yard, more than enough to put Mihoshi out in … and hope she was abducted. Maybe the next idiot would pay Nabiki to take her back, like the last one had.
Turning back towards Gina, she plastered on a strained smile. “Now, let’s get this signed over today, and make the previous owners pay for any and all damage that occurred to the property before I took control.”
The low lights in the place flickered for a moment, before a feminine, “Owie…”, was heard in the back from Ranma-chan.
“Yes; before I took control,” Nabiki paused, mentally calculating how much to drop her initial offer by.
Gina raised an eyebrow. “Are you sure you want to move in here?” While admittedly, such would help deflect some of the craziness that seemed to surround her family, she didn’t want her father to know Ranma was around just yet. Such would ruin the surprise factor of his Father’s Day Gift!
“Positive,” Nabiki replied. “The sooner, the better, I always say.”
That made the blonde raise an eyebrow in curiosity. “I thought your saying was, “Can’t blame a girl for trying to make a living”?”
“… I have many sayings,” Nabiki added, before flipping open a cell phone. “Now, shall we seal the deal before my Chia-Minions burn this sucker down?”
A few hours later, a certain female werecheetah of the MILF variety was skipping down the street. Her goal: fresh meat! By now, a good bit of her crop were ready for harvest and grilling on her Muffin’s newest BBQ, capable of char-broiling a raptor.
That reminded her: she needed to head back to the Land that Time Ignored and pick some more up. They tasted more like chicken than … well, chicken!
Thus, she almost became street-pizza, ignoring her surroundings as she dreamed of a combo-plate of the two.
*HONK-HONK!*
“EEP!” Britanny shrieked as she dived out of the way of the speeding U-Haul, landing on the freshly watered lawn of one of the neighbors with a splash, effectively ruining the $14,000 Gucci dress she was wearing, thanks to the impromptu mud-bath.
“SORRY!” she heard a male voice from the speeding truck that was speeding down the road. “I don’t know how to drive stick!“
Raising her head up, the supposedly last werecheetah watched as that U-Haul pulled up towards the lot where she’d put her hatchery…
… drove across and tore up its front lawn…
*CRASH*!
… And finally come to a stop as it smacked into the front of the building, causing the whole thing to shake.
She just blinked, not believing the sight. Was the man okay? Was there a need to call paramedics?
Could she get all the tuna and supplies out of there before the cops showed up and discovered her illegal modifications and usage of Old Man Wilkin’s utilities?
*HONK-HONK!*
“GAH!” she cried, hopping back and falling into the mud puddle again.
“Sorry!” cried the driver. “I was tweeting about the accident!” he called out … as he drove into the yard … and was only stopped from impacting his friend by a blond blur racing in front of the vehicle and stopping it by hand.
“AUGH! MY ARMS! KIYONE WAS RIGHT! STEPPING IN FRONT OF MOVING VEHICLES IS A BAD IDEA!” was the female cry as the second moving truck came finally to a stop, smacking the mail-box with enough force to uproot it.
The first truck now seemed to be slowly removing itself from the house, before it fully was removed enough to see another tall blond figure pushing it, yelling back into the house. “Hey! I’m not the supposed genius who hired the cheapest moving company around!”
“HELP ME MAMA NABIKI!” came the whining female voice from in front of the second truck. “I NEED A BANDAID!”
“I’M NOT YOUR MAMA!” came a loud shout from the hole in the house.
“WAAAAAAAH! MAMA DOESN’T WANT ME!”
Britanny had just enough time to wipe the mud off of her face to see who was yelling … she paused in shock, all thoughts no longer on her expensive brand clothing as she stared at the crying figure in the front of the house. “Is … is that another…”
“Werecheetah?” she heard a voice from behind her speak. “Yes, it is.”
Turning about, Britanny sputtered as she saw her sister standing there. “Gina!” the buxom spotted blonde shouted, arm raised and pointing to the crying hot mess of furry werecheetah flesh. “HOW!?”
“They’re the latest additions to the neighborhood,” Gina replied in all seriousness. “And before you ask, she was born in a test-tube. That’s why she’s so much younger and prettier than you.”
“Oh, well that—HEY!!”
Gina continued to smile, puffing her own chest out in pride. Oh, she had waited for so many hours to unleash that very burn.
*SPLAT!*
… “You realize of course, this means war?” Gina asked, wiping her face of fresh mud.
Any reply was cut off almost instantly.
*HONK-HONK!* *HONK-HONK!* *HONK-HONK!* *HONK-HONK!* *HONK-HONK!*
Looking behind them, the pair saw a veritable fleet of banged and dinged moving vehicles heading their direction, each with a driver who was obviously not paying attention to the road, as judging by what was currently pasted to the front of their grills.
“But for now,” Gina added, putting her clean glasses back on her face, “MOVE YOUR FAT ASS OR BECOME STREET PIZZA!”
“AAAHHHHHH!!!” Both Digger sisters screamed as the two decided that U-Haul meant, ‘You Better Haul Your Ass Outta the Way’!
“MAMA NABIKI!!!” Mihoshi wailed, now waving her arms frantically, pleased that her werecheetah regeneration allowed her to not need any of mean ol’ Mama Nabiki’s band-aids … but she certainly felt she could use the emotional support. She couldn’t catch this many trucks!
“Feh,” the other one spat, as he walked before Mihoshi, cracking his neck, and leapt towards the first truck of the oncoming horde.
“It’s beautiful…” Gina awed in her mad dash, looking up in time to catch a glimpse up his loose shorts, her hand reaching out, as if she could just touch it.
Clearing them, Ranma landed before the first truck, impact immediately following, as he dug in, the concrete tearing up as he forcefully slowed the oncoming horde, glowing a bright golden blue.
*WHAM! went the second truck, plowing into the back of the first.
*WHAM! WHAM! WHAM! WHAM! WHAM! WHAM! WHAM! WHAM! WHAM! WHAM! WHAM! WHAM! WHAM! WHAM! WHAM! WHAM! WHAM! WHAM! WHAM! WHAM! WHAM! WHAM!*
By the time momentum gave into sheer determination and a ki-reserve that could power Vegas for a day, Ranma had actually pushed the mailbox properly into the hole it had come from as he halted the advance of the moving horde.
Britanny was gawking. “There … he … a…” she was pointing at the male werecheetah that was growing brighter than any of their past Christmas trees ever had. She turned to look at her sister for confirmation.
Shrugging, Gina explained, “He was the FIRST Test-Tube Werecheetah … although Nabiki prefers the term, ‘Chia Minion’.
That made the muddy MILF frown. “… Chia Minion?”
“Well, he is pretty much a home-grown werecheetah,” Gina replied in all seriousness. “And as you can see…” she grinned a bit lecherously as she stared at Ranma’s abdomen, “while being a test-tube baby, she still managed to sculpt him a nice belly-button.”
As the two stared and Mihoshi cheered, a new figure emerged from the damaged house, walking up to the very first vehicle, ignoring the moans of pain from inside, as she kicked the front tire.
The vehicle tilted as the axle gave out.
“… I signed the extra insurance, right?” said figure asked. Well, it was supposed to be for payment for broken equipment—some of which was already broken and she didn’t want to be the one to pay for new.
Now, she was pretty sure even her new shit was broken, much like the house.
Read the comments on this episode
See other episodes by The Demented Redhead
(Posted Mon, 27 Aug 2012 03:06)
Questions? Problems? Suggestions?
Send a mail to addventure@bast-enterprises.de
or use the contact form.
らんま1/2 © Rumiko Takahashi
All other series and their characters are © by their respective creators or owners. No claims of ownership of these characters are implied by the authors of this Addventure, or should be inferred.
The Anime Addventure is a non-profit site.