"Actually, yes, among the ninja readers," said the secretary.
"Hmmm," hmmmed Jiraiya. "We can work with that."
"I thought he was too over the top," said Basu. "Though I did have some fun with his theme song."
"No, no, his motives are quite understandable to a large number of ninja, particularly veterans of the last war," said Jiraiya. "In fact, it turns out one of my old colleagues saw himself in Otenmaru."
"Did you base one on the other?" asked Basu, frowning.
"No, actually I didn't," said Jiraiya. "Though once he pointed out the similarities I saw some. I may have to give him a hobby. Something he does when he's not being a power-hungry manipulator trying to carve an empire out of the shadows."
"Make him a villain only when he's working?" asked Basu. "I thought we were going that route with Gruff."
"Gruff is an example of the flawed character who overestimates himself and has problems with trying to go for lazy paths to riches," said Jiraiya. "Among other things. No, Otenmaru may become a bard or something. Or maybe appreciates art. Something that my old colleague doesn't do - and therefore would further seperate the two."
Shidori, the secretary who usually hung around Basu, cocked her head. "It's not Tsunade, is it?"
"Tsunade as Otenmaru? Oh no, not at all. Tsunade is only a delicate touch or subtle in medical jutsu. In everything else, she doesn't do subtle. At all." Jiraiya shook his head.
"Oh good, because apparently her secretary sent you a letter," said Shidori, handing off a letter.
Jiraiya took it with a certain feeling of doom. This couldn't be good. Sure enough, it was from Shizune - so Tsunade had likely found something to complain about in the story. But what? The only alcoholic so far in the story had been Gruff McSnarl and he was not only a he - but a dog.
Ripping open the letter, Jiraiya quickly scanned it. "Ah. Oh. Hmmm."
"Tsunade sees herself as Gruff McSnarl?" asked Shidori. After all, violent person + alcoholic + gambling addict.
"No. She apparently wants to complain about her being made a tiger and samurai," said Jiraiya, an eye twitching.
"She thinks she's Tomoe?" asked Shidori. "But... she doesn't have anything in common with Tomoe Tiger."
"Only one thing," said Jiraiya, now moved to rubbing his forehead.
"Ah," said Basu, the musician/artist nodding and then making a motion as if holding two watermelons to his chest.
"Yup," said Jiraiya, glancing at the artist and then nodding once himself.
"But... you based her physical appearance on me," said Shidori. "Didn't you?"
"True," said Basu. "You even posed in costume."
"Well, I have studied naginata-ryu," said Shidori. "Helps me work off stress and keep in shape."
"Don't suppose you're good enough to hold off an angry Tsunade," said Jiraiya, not making it a question because he already knew the answer.
"Uhm, no. I only practice three times a week for about an hour, there's a class in town," said Shidori.
"So, wear the armor we picked up for those artistic studies," said Basu. "It's padded and may give you some protection from flying debris. In the meantime we've got to figure out how to deal with her if she shows up here. She's got a reputation for that temper as much as her losing streak."
"Uhm, sorry boss, much as I love this gig," said Shidori. "If she shows up, I'll meet you in the next town."
"Because she's going to punch me all the way there?" asked Jiraiya. "She's tried. Not that good at trajectories though."
"Could be worse, she could think that you'd modeled Mihoshi Mink on her," said Basu.
"In which case, I would be hiding already," admitted Jiraiya. "Don't even joke about that."
"I see," said Basu.
"Well, we can save some problems with me not being here for a little while," said Jiraiya, handing off a notebook to Shidori. "That's my notes on audience reactions. We'll go over them after I get back."
"Where are you heading?" asked Basu, sitting down on the edge of a table now that the subject didn't involve sudden violence.
"Konohagakure," said Jiraiya. "I have to check in with them every so often and I'm a little overdue."
"Danzo Himura? Are you sure?" asked the current Hokage, Minato Namikaze. "He's certainly enough of a pain-in-the-butt."
"So what are you going to do?" asked Jiraiya.
Minato frowned. "Nothing for now. I've got several suspicions regarding him, but he's also got a lot of support from some clan heads and his views have some popularity among the ninja forces. I'll need something a bit more concrete to pull out to appease such groups."
"Politics," grumbled Jiraiya.
"Of course, if I can get some physical evidence, we'll be down three senior shinobi instead of just one," said Minato. "Those other two are in thick with him and it's unlikely they'd be ignorant of everything I suspect he's doing."
"Oh? You've heard other things then?" asked Jiraiya.
"Yes, some are pretty disturbing," agreed Minato. "I especially don't want to do much when my wife is expecting soon. That's going to be a delicate time as it is."
"You going to come out with the marriage at that point? That is - make it public knowledge?" asked Jiraiya.
"I'm considering it, but with the grumblings from the Uchiha and the Hyuga, the possible problems with Danzo Himura, Orochimaru providing our own S-Class criminal, and reports of a Kiri infiltrators now?" Minato made a face, then turned thoughtful. "How'd you feel about a watcher?"
"Wha?" asked Jiraiya.
"Having a Konoha nin assigned to your studios as someone to make sure you don't slip some secrets or get poisoned by someone?" asked Minato.
"Who did you have in mind?" asked Jiraiya, frowning at the thought. "Though having someone around who can keep an eye on Basu, Shidori, and some of the others would be nice."
"Varies," said Minato, not going into details. "Thought I might use such a post as a 'depressurization mission' for that matter."
"Not a bad thought," admitted Jiraiya. After several missions, particularly the constant high-stress ones, some ninja needed something less stressful to get things back under control. "Not sure having them around a bunch of untrained civilians is the best thing, but I could see it."
"Oh great and powerful Orochimaru-sama!"
The various members of Akatsuki reacted to the presence of Shikoro in various manners.
Most, including Tobi, had various levels of amusement.
Pain looked pained. Konan looked disdainful.
Orochimaru hung his head. "You DO remember that you were not to disturb me, right?"
"Unless it was one of the things on your list of 'notify me immediately if' stuff!" said Shikoro, unfurling a scroll with a snap. Or at least that's what she had tried to do. Instead it flew out of her grip, bounced off Orochimaru's head, and then landed in Tobi's hands.
"You wrote down a list?" asked Orochimaru, wondering why the ninja-god hated him.
Again Shikoro gave her bobble-head rapid head nodding.
"I'm continually surprised we don't hear a rattling noise when she does that," muttered Konan just loud enough for it to be overheard.
"Would the great Orochi-sama want me to get a rattle?" asked Shikoro, placing a forefinger under her lower lip and trying to look thoughtful.
"Wow," said Tobi, unrolling the scroll and seeing that it stretched out fairly far. "What's on here anyway?"
"Not important," said Orochimaru.
"The return of the assassins you sent after your old team-mate was number two-hundred seventeen!" Shikoro scratched her head. "Or was it number twelve?"
"No," said Tobi. "Number twelve is 'if there is any news regarding the Tailed Beasts moving' - may I say your kunoichi there has much better handwriting than you do?"
"No you may not," said Orochimaru to the underling. "What about my assassins?"
"They came back wearing 'Cats Pajama Ninja' pajamas," said Shikoro.
"Why does the ninja-god hate me?" asked Orochimaru.
"Do you want the chronological or alphabetical list?" asked Tobi. "Ah. Number twenty-one is good. 'Have a spy infiltrate Happy Ninja Fried Chicken and get the secret recipe' - Tobi LOVES Happy Ninja Fried Chicken!"
"What exactly are your priorities, Orochimaru?" asked Sasori.
Kisame chuckled. "A secret recipe? Really?"
"That one's her fault," said Orochimaru, pointing a finger at Shikoro. "She was talking about how addictive that stuff was, and so naturally I was thinking about mind-control drugs."
"That you could use to influence the other members of Akatsuki," agreed Shikoro. "Shikoro remembers."
Dead silence.
"Pardon me, but she seems entirely too stupid to have made that up," said Kisame.
"Shikoro doesn't make stuff up," said Shikoro proudly. "The great and powerful Orochimaru-sama wants real answers. Shikoro is a good girl!"
"Number twenty-seven," read Tobi. "Notify Orochimaru-sama immediately if his subscription to Kunoichi Quarterly is about to lapse."
"Just read it for the articles?" asked Kisame.
"It's an information source," protested Orochimaru.
"Yes, I'm sure the makeup articles are quite useful," said Sasori. "Now, if we can get back to the meaning for this meeting?"
"Number thirty-four," read Tobi aloud. "Research into poison-resisting termites."
"Just in case we go up against Suna," quickly put in Orochimaru as he snatched the scroll out of Tobi's hands and lit it on fire. "You know what an idiot that girl is, I'm sure I wouldn't recognize half of these odd things she's written down."
Shikoro nodded her head again. "That's why Shikoro writes everything down!"
"Well, Shikoro, we're busy right now," said Lord Pain, "but I think I'll want to speak with you on a regular basis. Make sure nothing untoward happens to you."
"Shikoro will be careful!"
"Didn't she use to use pronouns?" asked Kisame.
"Orochimaru-sama, in his quest to perfect his genius, has helped his humble servant Shikoro!" The kunoichi displayed another scar on her head.
"You were trying to make a formerly capable kunoichi from Kumo into an eager-to-please idiot?" asked Konan. "I didn't know your interests went that way."
"I don't have any such interests," said Orochimaru.
"That's right," said Shikoro. "Orochimaru-sama only likes young boys."
"Right," said Orochimaru before freezing as it registered what he'd just agreed to must look like.
Dead silence.
"Okay, too much information," said Kisame.
"You don't have any designs upon my tender young body, do you?" asked Sasori.
"You don't have a body," pointed out Tobi. "Tobi doesn't feel safe though. Or is Tobi too old for Orochi-chan?"
"Enough," said Lord Pain. "This meeting was to discuss movement of the Sanbi after the attempted use of it against Konoha. I suggest we get back to that. Shikoro. You are not to interrupt again. Orochimaru, do not kill that girl until after I have had a chance to speak with her."
There was a grudging nod from Orochimaru, but if he'd had a Sharingan - Shikoro would be currently burning in black flames.
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(Posted Sat, 06 Jul 2013 17:08)
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