Before the plots and plans could even get onto the drawing board, Operation "Get Rid Of Ranma Saotome Before He Can Do Something Else Perverted" was called off due to rain.
"Jeeze, why is it so dark all of a sudden?" Usagi asked as she looked up at the thunder clouds gathering with unnatural swiftness.
"I can sense bad vibes coming from the shopping district," Rei observed, suddenly switching to shrine maiden mode. She stood up tall, pointed to the clouds and pronounced, "this can only be the work of the Negaverse!"
"Crack-a-doOom!!" clapped the thunder in the background.
"Eeek!" Usagi eeked. "Rei, that is so scary."
"How did you cue the lightning?" Makoto wondered.
"Where did you hide the bang box?" Minako added.
"That wasn't special effects," Rei denied. "(And that's 'boom box', Minako.) Some kind of storm monster is attacking the mall or something, okay!"
"The mall?" Usagi exclaimed as the nature of the emergency became clear. "Right! There's no time to waste! Let's go!"
"Crack-a-doOom!!!!!"
"Waaa...!" Usagi cried. "That's really creepy!"
"Aren't you girls forgetting something?" Haruka asked.
"Right!" Rei paused at the doorway to exclaim. "You three stay behind to keep an eye on that pervert!"
"Actually," Haruka told the empty doorway, "I meant maybe you should change or transform before you rush off or someth'n.... oh, never mind."
Michuri began to count down: "Five, four, three, ..."
"What are you doing?" Hotaru pondered.
"Eeeek! You pervert!!" resounded from the halls right on cue, followed by a loud slap.
"...one!"
Haruka sighed and reluctantly stood up. Wrapping a towel around her, she said, "I'd better go tend to the wounded. He is family after all."
"Hotaru, stay here," Michuri ordered, catching hold of the girl's bikini bottoms. "Haruka can handle it."
"But ... he might need my healing hands," Hotaru protested as a vision of herself as in a cute nurse uniform tending the wounded drifted before her eyes. "...oh, sempai..."
"I'm sure he'll be just fine," Michuri countered.
"He's fine," Haruka said as she returned. "He's gone for a job to clear his head. Least he won't notice the girls are gone."
Meanwhile.... "Muhahahahawahahah!"
"Crack-a-doOom!!!!!"
"Stop right there, Negacreep! Malls are fun places to shop and hang out. And, while the gothic look is in, you don't look cool in that cape! I'm Sailor Moon and in the name of the Moon, and good fashion sense, I will ..."
"One!" the cloaked figure interupted. "One annoying Sailor Scout!"
"Whaaa.....!" Sailor Moon cried in anguish. "No!"
"Sailor Moon!" Mars cried in alarm. "What happened? What did he do to you?"
"He interupted my speech!"
"Two! That's two little Sailor Scouts. And One. One mass facefault!"
"What is it with you?" Ami demanded of the mysterious purple figure.
"Three! Three pretty Sailor Scouts," said figure announced before explaining. "And I am the one they call zee Count! Do you know why they call me zee Count?"
"Because you're a vampire?" Makoto accused.
"Yes, because... No! Well, yes, I am a vampire, but I am called zee Count because I love to count things! And that's Four! Four silly Sailor Scouts!"
"Don't you know better than to count your scouts before they have covers!" Minako mixed her metaphores and made no sense as usual.
"Five! That's five little Sailor Scouts caught in my trap!" the Count proclaimed and started laughing up a storm. Literally. "Muhahahahawahahah!"
"Crack-a-doOom!!!!!"
"Alright buster, if you want to play with lightning, let me show you how it's done. Jupiter Supreme Thunder Dr..."
"SHEBOOM!"
"One! That's one lightning bolt and One, one deep fried scout! Mahahaha!"
"SHEBANG!"
"Two, two flash fried sailor scouts and Three, three running like scared little red hens! Mawahaha!"
Shaka laka laka BoOom BOOOOM!!!!!
"That's Three, Four and Five flash fried Sailor Scouts for my collection. Mwahaha!"
With her muscles still quivering from electrocution, Makoto felt her body being lifted and her head pulled back to expose her tender young neck.
"And now!" the Count announced as he leaned over Sailor Jupiter, fangs gleaming in the stormy darkness, "to turn you into my undead minions and have you join my countless legion of darkness!"
This was the point when Tuxedo Mask would usually arrive, distract the villain with a well placed rose and encourage Sailor Moon with a few well chosen words, then watch while she dusted the villain off.
Ranma just threw a stake through the monster's heart and watched it collapse into ash, Buffy style. It was a monster and about to ravish a pretty girl or something, so he didn't hold back.
"Hey, are you okay?" he asked Makoto as the clouds began to break up behind him. Here comes the sun!
Squinting up at the fine figure of a silhouette, Sailor Jupiter sighed, "I've died and gone to heaven. Take me away, my angel."
"Uhm. Right. Maybe you should see a doctor about that concussion. Anyway, I've got to hurry back to... I've got to go. Seeya"
"Wait!" Makoto cried. "Who are you?"
"Me? I'm R-uh... that's for me to know and you to find out!" Ranma waved before leaping onto a moderately tall building in a single bound.
'What is it with this place?' Ranma wondered as he leapt across the rooftops. 'Man, if these monster attacks keep happening I'm going to need a new fighting outfit or I'll be totally recognised. ... and maybe a mask.'
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(Posted Thu, 13 Feb 2003 11:29)
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らんま1/2 © Rumiko Takahashi
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