She had just finished putting out a pile of newspapers (this week’s promotion: free paper with “samurai size” coffee), when an eerie feeling assaulted her. Now that is something I have not felt in close to 100 years. Looking out the window, she could see a faint yellowish flash in the distance, but dismissed it. She had more important things to do right now. Hopping on her staff to where the Amazon boy lay sleeping behind the counter, she leaned down and whispered in his ear “Oh Mousse, it’s not Ranma I want to marry, it’s you.”
Lost in a dream, Mousse murmured “I knew it, my darling Shampoo! Saotome will pay!” and with that, he awoke, half-sitting up and coming face to face with Cologne. Adjusting his glasses, he looked into her wizened, grinning face and screamed in horror. “Ugh! An oni! Come to devour my soul!”
Cologne hit him with a nearby mixing bowl. “Foolish boy! Get up, I need you to go to the corner and get me more newspapers. I need all they have. If I’m the only one with papers, my promotion will be a great success. Here, you can get some breakfast with the remainder.” She said, feeling somewhat charitable. She gave him a pouch with yen inside. “Now get going. I need you back yesterday!” Mousse ran off, the prospect of a non-ramen meal spurring him the most.
Cologne was just about to call Shampoo in to help her with some cooking, when the door to the café burst open. Idiot Mousse, did he not lock it when he left? she thought. “I am sorry, but we are not quite open yet, honorable…” she turned fully around, “sir?” She wasn’t quite sure what to make of what she was looking at, but it looked like a large, living…gingerbread man. It had the icing decoration and the gumdrop buttons and everything, but there was something vaguely familiar about it. As they kept looking at each other, Cologne’s business sense could never miss an opportunity. Holding up a carafe of coffee, she said, “Coffee? Paper’s free with the samurai size.”
That apparently broke the spell. The gingerbread man made frantic waving motions and his icing eyes grew wide. His icing mouth opened and closed like a fish, and Cologne couldn't tell if he was unable to speak or just overcome at the moment. Backing away from the beverage, the man bumped into a booth with his hip (or approximately where the hip is on a cookie cutout) and looked down to see that he had taken some damage. She could see an area that was a little bashed in, and there were some crumbs on the floor.
Ranma had come into the Nekohanten hoping to find Shampoo, who seemed to love him unconditionally (except for that darn contrary jewel fiasco) and would make him feel better. Unfortunately, it was only the old ghoul there, and then she had to make that comment about the coffee. It was like she didn’t even recognize him, either. And now he had a big dent in his side. It hurt, kind of like a bruise, and that brought his attention back to why he was there.
“Ya gotta help me. Something happened! I was fightin’ with Pop this morning as usual and when I tried to turn back into a guy, I became this instead! And now, whenever I get hurt or someone takes a piece, it hurts like it’s my real body. I mean, what happens if it rains and I melt or I crumble away? And the worst is that Nabiki wants to eat me!” Ranma got all this out in a rush, feeling a little better for having vented his feelings.
Cologne looked very carefully at the giant cookie in front of her, realizing why it was familiar. There was no pigtail, but otherwise, it did indeed look superficially like Ranma. “Son-in-law?” she asked hesitantly. When the cookie nodded violently, she sighed. “So I was not imagining things this morning. This is powerful magic and someone in your household has unintentionally let it out. I have not felt its presence for close to a century, and that time the results were tragic.” Ranma flinched. “I need to consult with a colleague in America before I can be sure of what to do, but he will most likely have an answer, having experienced all sorts of magic in his role as watcher.”
By this time, Ranma was clueless as to what she was talking about, but nodded anyway. Hey, if it could help him, he’d do anything. Cologne continued “No doubt you do not wish to go to school in this condition. You are welcome to stay here until I find more to help you, but I suggest you stay in the back. My customers might think you are a new promotion if you wander to close to the front.”
Ranma thanked her and thought When she’s not trying to ruin my life, she’s not such a bad person. “Thanks, I…uh…I…uh…uh…I appreciate this. Thanks a lot.” Ranma got out, blushing. The effect on the gingerbread was two darkened patches where the cheeks would be, as if it had been slightly burned in the oven.
Cologne looked at the clock. Shampoo should have been down by now if they were going to open in time for the morning rush. Again, she was about to call her, when the girl arrived. “Sorry, Great-grandmother. Shampoo oversleep.” Then she noticed Ranma and screamed. After being calmed down by both Ranma and Cologne, “Airen! Who do this to you? It Akane, yes?” “Uh, actually, we have no idea.” Having been told the story so far, Shampoo agreed to help hide Ranma for the day, “It be our secret, ok?” and not ask any more questions, as no one knew the answers yet.
Cologne looked around and said, “As soon as Mousse is back from his errand, we can open.” Then she spied the crumbs that had been knocked off of Ranma when he had backed into the booth. “Shampoo,” she called, “would you get a dustpan and sweep this up?”
“Of course, Great grandmother. What is it?”
“Just some bits that fell off the cookie when Ranma bumped into the booth.”
Ranma says “That’s too much information, thanks.”
(Posted Sat, 05 Apr 2003 06:39)
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らんま1/2 © Rumiko Takahashi
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