The resulting tumble and fall from his little accident knocked Ranma unconscious. A few minutes later, he blearily awoke to the peculiar sensation of a long, slobbery tongue licking his face and a mouthful of wet... fur?
"Oh my," said Kasumi, "isn't that the Yamane's dog, Bess?" She had the funniest feeling of deja vu, but dismissed it as her overactive imagination and went off to see what her father was up to. He'd looked a little strange a few moments ago, but then again people in the Tendo household could be so silly sometimes...
For Ranma Saotome, things were starting to make sense. Kuno had kissed Cologne and things had gotten... weird; somehow Shampoo had ended up mashing lips with Mr. Tendo, and things had gotten even wierder, and he'd... well, accidentally gotten a mouthful of mongrel, as it were. The only thing he'd done differently was putting on this... lip gloss stuff.
"This stuff is dangerous!" he thought to himself. "I've got to get rid of it!" Grabbing the little tube of lip balm, he threw it out the window and into the street.
That, he thought with a great deal of satisfaction, was one problem dealt with. Meanwhile, there was this new matter of what to do with the Yamane's dog.
"Not ANOTHER fiancee," muttered a disgruntled Ranma. "Akane's going to be furious."
The scruffy looking mongrel started humping his leg. What idiot, Ranma mused, names a male dog Bess in the first place?
* * * * * * * *
Elsewhere in Nerima, the great and noble Tatewaki Kuno was at his wit's end. (Admittedly, this doesn't really mean a lot.)
He had been chased by the elderly hag with the wooden pogo stick through hill and dale, fern and bracken, thither and yon. He was out of breath, more than a little out of shape, and once, when he had accidentally let the old mummy catch him in a moment of weakness, had been groped in an... inappropriate place.
He was tired of running. Grabbing his bokken in one hand, he turned to face the stalwart foe. He would die like a man, in one fashion or another.
"Enough!" he yelled. "If, and only if, you can beat me will I will allow you to date with me!" This was an offer usually reserved for none save the voluptuous pigtailed girl and the vigorous Akane Tendo, but desperate times called for desperate measures.
"Alright, sonny boy," chuckled the old woman on the staff. "If that's the way you want it, that's the way I'll do it... but I warn you that I won't go easy on you!" With a sudden movement, she lunged forward and prepared to press her attack.
Under normal circumstances, it would be somewhat unbelievable that Cologne could be bested, even by one of such ... a varied and diverse portfolio of skills as the Magnificent Tatewaki Kuno. These were not normal circumstances, however, even by the standards of Nerima.
It was, perhaps, rather unfortunate that Cologne chose that particular day to wear a large watermelon green robe with pink lining. The combination of her dress sense, combined with her mind being largely concentrated on thoughts of and speculation about the nature of the Blue Thunder's genitalia, led to what has been described as "one of the most unlikely defeats in the history of the Neriman martial arts community".
Cologne lunged. Instinctively, Kuno struck. There was a loud rapport, and the little old lady was flung across the road and against a wall. She hit her head and landed on the ground in a heap, unmoving.
"Thank goodness that's over," said Kuno, and headed back home to plan his next move in his crusade to free Akane Tendo and the pig-tailed girl from Saotome's clutches.
* * * * * * * *
Three hours later, a groggy Cologne woke up with a very small but determined headache. She gingerly massaged her temples and tried to remember what happened...
(Posted Sat, 26 Jul 2003 05:30)
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